


Forever

by K5C8



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Heartache, M/M, Miscommunication, Self Isolation, The Witcher Secret Santa, eskel maybe goes into a bit of a depressive episode, geskel, no beta we die like calanthe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28313700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K5C8/pseuds/K5C8
Summary: For the wither secret santa exchange on tumblr :)Eskel and Geralt have been dancing around their feelings for decades now. Will this winter change things? (it most certainly will).Sorry, I'm bad at summaries lmao
Relationships: Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Comments: 19
Kudos: 35
Collections: The Witcher Secret Santa 2020





	Forever

It was midday at Kaer Morhen and Eskel was still watching the gates, worried that another day was passing without Geralt’s return. They didn't talk about it much, but every year the witchers of Kaer Morhen (and friends) would await the arrival of their fellow wolves. Waiting to see who had survived the year. Eskel was usually first, then Geralt a few days after, followed by Coën and then Lambert and Aiden a day or so after that.

As the evening grew nearer, Eskel couldn't shake the heavy feeling tugging at his gut. The White Wolf was never late for winter, always eager to reunite with the others and regroup for the winter. Where was Geralt? Had he survived the year?

Eskel went to bed that night, hoping to sleep the stress away. But he’d tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep while not knowing the fate of his best friend. The witcher whom he’d grown with, trained with, fought with, loved with. Though Eskel was pretty sure that love was now one-sided. He ruminated on memories of young love and midnight trysts in the dead of winter as he lie in bed, praying to any god who would listen for Geralt’s safety.

At the first light of daybreak, Eskel jumped out of bed, dressed, and rushed through his breakfast before heading out to watch thew entrance to the keep. He’d stand there all winter if he had to, godsdamnit. He would stand there and wait for Geralt to return. He’d wait, because doing anything else meant he accepted that Geralt would most likely not be returning to Kaer Morhen this winter. Possibly ever again. And he just couldn't entertain the thought. So he would wait.He would wait, he would sleep, he would eat, and he would wait some more. He held onto that last glimmer of hope, though it grew less and less with each passing day. He begged to whatever gods would listen for safety, and promised to finally tell Geralt how much he loved him if he were to return this winter.

Around mid-morning, as the sun was cresting above eye-level, he heard the familiar footsteps that belonged to his brother, Lambert, coming his way.

“He’ll be here,” Lambert said confidently.

“He’s never late. This isn't like him.” Eskel was scratching at the scars on his face, cracking and uncomfortable in the biting winter winds.

“ _He’ll be here,_ Eskel,” Lambert repeated while grabbing the older witcher’s shoulder in reassurance. “Maybe his horse was injured or hit some other kind of roadblock. But its _Geralt_. There’s nothing he can't overcome, the bastard. He’ll be here.”

“Hmm,” Eskel only hummed in reply.

Lambert chuckled to himself at the mannerism the witcher clearly picked up from Geralt. “Come on,” He said to Eskel, gesturing to the keep with his head. “Come help prepare lunch. Geralt will be here. Might as well have some food ready for him.”

Eskel watched for a minute as Lambert headed in before reluctantly following him in.

\- - -

Just as Lambert had assured him, Geralt came walking into the keep one hour after. The immediate relief Eskel felt had him propelling himself into the White Wolf’s arms in their usual bone-crushing hug.

“Where the fuck were you?” Eskel murmured into the hug.

“Oh, that would be my fault.” Eskel took a step back to find the source of the unfamiliar voice. “I insisted that I’d packed warm enough for the winter here. But I was freezing my bollocks off by Kaedwyn. The shops were all out of winter clothes at that point and so I needed to commission a few pieces. The poor tailor worked his damndest, but it still took quite a few days.”

Eskel didn't respond at first, but just looked the man up and down. He was wearing what looked to be a very expensive winter-green cloak with golden foliage embroidered around the edges. His hair was tousled by the winter winds, and cheeks reddened as well. His eyes were the deepest blue Eskel had ever seen and he was immediately hit with a wave of jealousy.

Geralt cleared his throat before making his introductions. “Jaskier, this is Eskel. Eskel, Jaskier. My bard.”

“Hello, there! Its nice to finally meet you! Geralt speaks very highly of you.” The bard spoke in a very warm and friendly tone, clearly excited to be wintering at the keep.

 _His bard,_ Eskel thought to himself as he shook the man’s hand with perhaps a bit too tight a grip. He recalled Geralt talking of his bard over these last few winters, but never had he referred to him as _his_ bard. He looked into those cornflower blue eyes and immediately began to compare himself to the man’s beauty.

“Welcome to Kaer Morhen, bard. Welcome back, Geralt,” Eskel grunted before nodding to Geralt and heading up to his room.

“I don't think he liked me,” he heard Jaskier murmur to Geralt.

“He doesn't _know_ you,” Geralt replied softly. “Just give him some time.”

\- - -

Eskel kept this distance throughout the next two weeks. Aside from sparring with the other witchers, he’d made himself scarce: working repairs on the opposite end of the keep from wherever Geralt was working that day, taking his meals at odd times, and shutting himself up in his room for early nights.

It was stupid, he knew, to expect Geralt to remain without committed companionship. And even more ridiculous, Eskel had always thought that the two of them would perhaps one day be… well, be _something_ _more_ once again. It had been years, decades even. But there was a part of him that always felt like he belonged to Geralt. And, selfish as it was, he’d always felt that Geralt was _his_ as well.

Had he completely imagined the emotional dance they’d been going through these last decades? Had he been alone in that, dancing with the ghost of a love he hadn't even realized he’d lost completely? Gods, he felt so stupid. How had he not realized after years of Geralt coming home every winter telling tales of his year with the bard?

He wanted nothing but time alone to himself that winter. Time alone, away from Great and from Jaskier. Time to spend licking his wounds and finding a way to get over Geralt—something he knew was probably impossible.

So he continued his new routine of solitude, save for sparring, and spoke only with the other witchers in passing.

\- - -

Throughout the subsequent weeks, the other witchers at the keep could tell that something was clearly wrong with Eskel. The warm and welcoming man they knew had become distant and cold. The usual playful glint in his eyes had dimmed and all they could see now was sadness. He looked like a sad puppy, and none of them could figure why.

Geralt, most of all, was especially confused and worried. Eskel was his best friend, his brother in arms, his first and only love. And he was pushing him away. Pushing everyone away. Why?

“Just go up and talk to him,” Jaskier had insisted one night in the library. Geralt was sitting in a lone armchair with a book in hand. Jaskier was on the ground with his back against the witcher’s legs, softly plucking away a traditional solstice carol.

“I can't just— He's not— He _clearly_ …” Geralt trailed off. He couldn't find words to explain how terrified he was of Eskel’s rejection. 

Whatever was bothering the other witcher, he clearly didn't want company. And Geralt didn't think he could handle being sent away. Not when he had spent the entire trek up to the crumbling keep prepping himself, with Jaskier’s help of course, to finally _talk_ to Eskel about what had always been there between them.

“Dearest, stupidest, Geralt,” Jaskier said fondly while reaching up to pat the witcher’s knee. “If what everyone has said of Eskel is true, then you’re most likely the only one he’ll talk to. Yes, he hasn’t approached you all winter, but have you thought the other way and realized that you also have not reached out to him? He’s isolated right now, for whatever reason, and the only person here who knows him inside and out hasn't come to see whats wrong.”

“But—“ Geralt tried to cut in.

“Yes, my dear friend, _I know_ you’re scared. I remember how long it took for you to admit we were _friends,_ and I haven't forgotten what your intentions and expectations for this winter were. I can't make any promises to you that all will be well and jolly and kisses and cuddles with you two come spring, but you know him better than anyone. Regardless of your feelings and your wants for the two of you, don't you think you should check in on him? See if he’s okay? I don't even know the man and I'm beginning to worry.” Jaskier sat up and turned around to look up to his friend’s face, trying to offer as much comfort with his expression as he could

“I— you’re right. I just…” Geralt let out a big sigh and leaned forward, planting his elbows on his knees and resting his head in his hands. “I don’t know, Jask. I get he feeling he doesn't want to see me. He’ll just turn me away. I don't know why… But he’s spoken with Vesemir and Lambert, and he’s at least said a few words to Coën and Aiden. I just… cant help but feel excluded here.”

“Dear heart, don’t close yourself off. Not when you don't know whats even happening. Sad spells are a tricky thing. You know. You've had them before. And Melitele knows I’ve had my dark days. Do you recall having to drag me out of that inn room after Valdo and I fucked around and then fell out once more?”

“From the looks of you I thought you were dying,” the witcher recalled.

“I was. Slowly. Wasting away and wallowing in sadness because nobody was there to miss me in your absence. Because nobody was there who knew me enough to realize something was wrong. What I’m saying, Geralt, is that perhaps Eskel is going through something similar. Its clear _something_ is going on. You can all see it, plain as day. And you're the one best equipped to reach out to him.”

“I know, Jaskier. I will. I just…” Geralt trailed off again as he rubbed his face.

“I understand, Geralt. You don't have to talk about all your stuff tonight. But you really should just go and check on him. It will show him that you care. And that you miss him. Absence speaks louder than you’d think.” Jaskier sat back against Geralt’s legs once more and returned to his soft carols.

\- - -

Later that night Geralt made his way to Eskel’s door. He stood there a few minutes, contemplating if he should just leave Eskel alone before deciding to just dive in and knock. There was no response, but he could hear Eskel’s slow, steady heartbeat. Geralt turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open, not wanting to disrupt the other witcher if he were sleeping.

After scanning the room, he found Eskel in his arm chair near the fire. He had a book in his hands, but was just staring at the flames. He gave no acknowledgment or greeting to the witcher standing at his doorway.

“Eskel,” Geralt spoke softly. After about a minute with no response, he walked into the room, shutting the door behind him and sitting on the ground next to Eskel’s chair.

“What’s going on, Eskel?” Geralt inquired.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Eskel grumbled, shifting his gaze back to his book.

“Don’t give me that, Eskel. Maybe you can tell that to Lambert or Coën, but I know you too well. I can tell something is wrong. What is it?”

“Just leave it, Wolf,” the other witcher replied while scratching at his scars. “Its nothing to concern yourself with.”

“You might think that, Eskel, but I am. I’m concerned,” Geralt pressed on.

“Why?” Eskel asked, throwing a sideways glance Geralt’s way. “What’s it to you whats happening with me? I’m fine. I wake, I eat, I train, I work, I sleep. You've got other matters to concern yourself with.”

“Such as?” Geralt replied, silently thankful to have finally heard more than two sentences from Eskel this winter.

“You’ve got your own training and work to attend to, as well as keeping that pretty bard of yours warm,” the larger witcher let a bit of resentment leak into his tone at that last bit.

“Keep Jaskier warm? Eskel, whats going on?” Geralt replied quickly, confused that the bard was somehow brought into the conversation.

“I said leave it, Geralt. I’d like to get back to this book,” Eskel said dismissively.

“The fuck you would,” Geralt raised his voice as he stood up. “You were a million miles away, staring off into nothing when I came in. So don't give me this shit that its nothing and you'd like to get back to reading. What the fuck is happening with you, Eskel?”

“Whats happening is I thought you were dead, Geralt,” Eskel raised his voice and stood to meet the other witcher at eye level. “You were fucking _late_ and I thought you were dead. You’re never late. I thought you were dead and that I wasted every opportunity I ever had to tell you how I felt. Days, Geralt. Days I spent with rocks in my stomach, not knowing if you'd return. Not knowing if I’d ever get another chance to tell you I loved you. To hold you once more. And then you were here and I was so relieved and I was going to tell you. But then Jaskier was here too and I didn't want to get between that. Not when I had so much time and opportunity to do it before and I wasted it. I was a coward. I’m a coward. But I won't ruin this for you. You deserve to be happy, even if its not with me.”

“What— Eskel are you—“ Geralt stammered before blurting out the rest. “Jaskier and I are not in a relationship. Romantically. Or sexually. He’s just my friend. My bard. But thats all.” Eskel just stared at Geralt, gears turning slowly in his mind as he processed the new information.

Geralt stared right back, choosing his next words even more carefully than normal. “Eskel, I’m not with him. Or anyone. I _couldn't be_. Not when I’ve been in love with you most of my life.” His eyes were filled with remorse and hope as he lifted a hand to cradle Eskel’s cheek.

“You… you love me?” Eskel asked quietly.

“Most ardently, you fuckhead,” Geralt chuckled as he grabbed the other witcher’s shoulders and pulled him into the tightest hug he could manage. Eskel nestled his face into Geralt’s neck, choking back his tears of relief and joy.

“I love you,” Geralt whispered to Eskel through their embrace. “I'm sorry it took me so long to say it.”

“Don’t kick yourself too hard for it. It took me just as long. I love you too, Geralt. So much. You’re everything to me. Gods, I thought I’d lost you.” Eskel broke their hug and brought Geralt in for the most passionate kiss he'd ever had. The kind that warmed his body to his very core. Igniting a happiness he’d long forgotten he could feel. The happiness of Geralt at his side.

“But are you okay though, Eskel?” Geralt asked after their kiss. “You… you were so distant. So closed off. I’d never seen you act like that before. I was so worried. Practically paced a hole into my floors.”

“Yeah, I…” Eskel started. “I just, I needed time to myself when I thought you and Jaskier were…” he cleared his throat before continuing. “I needed to process it all. And then I got into the routine of closing myself off, and it somehow seemed better than facing you and him every day. So I just… stayed away. It wasn’t… It was getting to a dark place. Not because of you. Because of the isolation.” He furrowed his brows while figuring out how to put it into words. “It was lonely. I’m alone on the Path all year and I’m fine. But being alone while surrounded by family and friends, thats a new world of pain. Even if I did it to myself.”

“I love you. I love you, I love you, _I love you_.” Geralt kissed Eskel’s nose and face scars. “You’re not alone,” he assured while pulling Eskel into a gentle embrace. “I’ll not leave you alone. Never again. For as long as you want me, I’ll be here. Good days and bad. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here as long as you desire.”

“Forever,” Eskel murmured as he gripped Geralt tighter.

“Forever,” Geralt agreed with a warm smile on his face.


End file.
